Friday, March 4, 2011

If Momma Ain't Happy....

Ain't nobody gonna be happy.

I've heard this before, and I do truly believe it.  So.  How do I "Get Happy?"  I have done the scores of research and reading... I understand what happiness IS.  I understand more or less, how to get there. 

I found that my most successful period was about a year and a half that I was 'flying' with the Flylady.  There is a ton of great advice within this system, that I faithfully applied to my daily life.  I had a spit shined house, time to work, meals on the table, and everyone seemed to smile all the time. 
"Use a timer" "Just Do It" "Don't be a martyr" "Don't procrastinate" and "Let go of Perfectionism".
Great advice.  
It was excellent, BUT....  I constantly had something to do.  I no longer had time to just veg out in PJ's all day. I didn't even have time to snuggle up with the trucker and watch an hour of TV. If I did sit with him, I was adding something to tomorrow's list of to-do's.

I did find myself sleeping better, but partly because I ran all day. 

Now, a lot of this system is about accepting that you are the one who wants it this way, so you should do it and do it without complaint.  "You are the one who signed up for this"... but when my life started falling down around my feet, I started to understand that I am not the only one who should care about some things.  AND there are some things that just shouldn't matter. 
For example, using your flylady routines may include a 'swish & swipe' of your bathroom every day.  I think, that realistically, having boys who don't miss the toilet, will solve the dirty bathroom floor dilemma. Right?  So why do I want to say good morning to my toilet EVERY DAY, when I could just get said boys to do it for a few days... then perhaps, they WON'T MISS anymore??

Eliminating Clutter is a big focus in many organization programs.  Well, I don't have much left.  I was never a hoarder by any means.  I have an 'anti-clutter' mother living with me, too.  There was not a lot to get rid of. It didn't take long. 
So, although 'flying' did give me reason to be proud of my home, I was proud of things that I previously didn't care about.... so was that really that good?  And the family didn't really help more or learn much, they just enjoyed that I did everything for them. 

So, Flylady, Marla, I thank you... You did reinforce some things I knew but didn't want to admit.  You did teach me a few tricks.  I was cleaning things that ....well .... NO ONE CARED about.  If there are cobwebs in the basement.... it's probably because it is a BASEMENT.
My house didn't fit into 5 zones without overwhelming me.  Those zones were TOO big, no matter what I did. 
I don't mind spring cleaning much, and I don't have many hidden places to 'spring clean' because I don't keep things I don't need.  My biggest obstacle was always 'other peoples clutter' and that is not something I can fix.  So, I slowed down and eventually gave up on that system that guided me for a while.
It is wonderful advice to those who need direction, if you can motivate yourself to do it all, it works wonders.  But....just not for me.  I need something else.  I need to find joy in the things I am doing, or they are just not worth doing. 

So, now what?  I've read a lot of great books.  I have an army of quotes, tips and tricks to being happy. 
thank you to the positive thinkers of the world, and Gretchen, I really do like your Happiness Project too

The next few months may be a sincerely messed up stream of posts as I try to make sense out of the angry world I'm living in.  But, I don't want to keep my mouth shut anymore.  Grin and bear it, is just NOT gonna fly.  I work hard to have what I have. I'm not asking the world for recognition, but less criticism would be nice!!  I don't want to be sad, I don't want to be angry, I don't want to yell.  I want to be able to say that I have learned from Thumper and stopped saying things that are not nice (even to MYSELF).  I want to be constructive and I want to teach my kids the same.

I want to be grateful for my blessings. I don't want to be reminded of mistakes. I don't want good things to become insults.  So what if I look or act like a typical 'soccer mom', is that really a bad thing? 

And yes, I work from home, but that doesn't exactly mean I won the lottery... I have to do what a full time working mom does, but with out daycare! those kids of mine, who are not in daycare, are actually spilling juice on my pants while I'm typing at the computer.... it's not glamorous or special! It's HARD.  You know how distracting it is when a kid phones you at work?  Well, mine are in the same building....

I guess, in order for every one around me to understand what it is that I am asking for, I have to figure it out first.  Some days I want to quit my job. This is just so hard to manage sometimes.  But I LOVE what I do now, and I have never had that before.  So, there has to be a way to make it work.  To make it balance.  I want to find balance. How much really is important, and what is NOT? And, who else will step up to the plate to make it work? I am certainly NOT the only one who can contribute, right? 

(have you ever asked a trucker to clean a bathroom?  This is gonna be HARD!!)

And I'm going to share it.... HAHAHAHA the joy of a blog... you, my poor readers, can suffer my ranting, or navigate away.  It's all the same in the long run, I'm writing for me.  But I know I am not the only one in the world who struggles with this, and maybe I can save some one else the efforts if there are strategies that work or don't work. Perhaps... it just might give you an idea of your own?

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