Monday, October 24, 2011

October Update!

I would say I'm doing well with my monthly goals again. I think I just might keep this idea going.  Keeps my perspective in check when I'm slipping.

I've worked hard on accountability, but I think I've gotten caught up to the expectations placed on myself.  I am accepting my faults and looking at the real reasons why I'm not getting things done when I think I should have.  It is generally because I am stopping to enjoy life. Aside from diving head first into a book and getting lost for a few days (which definitely qualifies as time for me), I've been quite productive. And if I'm being entirely honest, the things I haven't completed on time have been due to enjoying my life, not being lazy on the couch with the TV on.

I addressed some areas in need of improvement with the Trucker. Not things he needs to change, but things I've noticed I have changed and I discussed some of it with him. If he understands my motives, he can support me better, and if he thinks I'm off my rocker I can reassess and make a different change.

Another side of staying accountable is with work. My annual review is coming up, so I have had to take a realistic look at my last year.  It's been a rough year, hasn't it?  You have followed me down my dark hole and are witnessing my climb back out.  I'm not sure exactly where I would rate my performance. I've been okay, but not spectacular. I'm not accustomed to just meeting expectations for work, I've always been one to exceed them. I'm the one who took work home when I didn't have to. I'm the one who took on extra tasks, helped others, trained others, constantly looked for ways to improve. But in some ways, because everything looked so dark, I'm not sure exactly how that translated into my assignments.  I'm not sure if my work was weak or if I just felt that way, you know?  This week will be a good one for determining where I stand.

I am sleeping better. I've been getting to bed at a decent time. That has also meant less time online, which accounts for my lapses in posting here. But my health has to come first. And as I get closer to healthy, I have more time all around.  It sure feels good to have decent sleep in me.

Reading with the kids hasn't been consistent, but play has.  The Trucker doesn't like to read (I just can't even start to comprehend this, how can anyone NOT like reading?) and the kids do. So, I will do whatever it takes to keep them encouraged and challenged with reading.  When I think of how I completely left this world to join the world of the Hunger Games last weekend, I know that I want my kids to have the same feeling of escape from reality as they get older too.  I guess, instead of reading out loud with them I have been reading beside them. At the same times as them.  I'm showing my interest in their reading and we are talking about our books. 
So, it's not a missed goal, it's just a bit different.

And, as I'm trying so hard to remind myself, change is OK.  Change is good. I don't HAVE to be perfect. I just have to be PRESENT.

November will be here soon, I need to start looking at the next round of goals. I'm so glad you're here, sharing this with me.  Have you set any goals of your own? 

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

October's Focus

O pen mind.
C aring voice.
T ime for me.
O wn it.
B e accountable.
E njoy a good night's sleep, every night.
R ead WITH the kids every day.

Since September turned out to be a successful month as far as my goals are concerned, I intend to do the same for October.  I've been thinking about this for a few days and I think the above goals are appropriate.  I want to keep an open mind, so I don't scare myself off of new machines at the gym, don't avoid trying new foods that are healthy. I want to listen to the kids stories and dive in to their made up world with them. An open mind will be great.  Time for me comes mostly from the gym, but I would like to make at least a bit more effort in this area. Time for me at home, like doing my hair or make up, getting dressed a bit nicer. OOOHHH How about actually remembering to take my makeup OFF?   

A caring voice is important, often the words we say don't sound how we mean them because we have not put thought into HOW we say them.  This is easier to do when we are well rested, so I'm staying committed to going to bed at a decent time every night, no 2 am work sessions anymore. That's not good for me or anyone around me...

I read with some of my kids, most of the time... And it's always fun for all of us. I am making it a priority to actively read with all of them even if it's only a few minutes every day.

Accountability, owning my actions, is very necessary. When you start lying to yourself about what really needs to be on your to-do list.... it's not good. Example?  I chose to ignore the truckers laundry, knowing that he had no pants left for work. All day I avoided it, finding reasons to be irritated that he didn't do this himself. However, he didn't actually ASK me to do it.

So, it hits the high end of my to-do list. I organize the laundry room, do some work, play with the kids, spend time online.... totally not laundry.  Then when he asked me in the evening if I would mind throwing it in for him, I gave him this big line about how I wanted to do it in the morning, but I just got so sidetracked.. So, I've BS'ed my way through the whole situation. I am not accountable to me, because I KNEW what I needed to do, and I'm not accountable to him.  Of course, this is just an example, there are many situations that it can apply.

I'm definitely feeling better. Finally starting to feel like life is normal. I'm back to volunteering two mornings a week at the school. It's a project that only takes about ten or fifteen minutes, but I've really missed doing it. I'm eating well and energized, the exercise is making stress management easier.  I'm not suffering Mom-somnia so much. I'm actually going to bed earlier every day. (hate those days when a really good show is on at 10 pm!). Shortening the list of things I want to improve has allowed me to just accept the improvements that come unexpectedly.  I can finally actually find time to RELAX. And that is not something I've done for ages.
September went well:

Start strong, stay strong
Exercise at least 3 times a week
Play with all three kids at least once every day (even if only 10 minutes)
Teach Angel Baby Something new
Eat Breakfast every day
Make Time for marriage (don't forget the hubs!)
Be present, stay focused
Expect and allow imperfection
Relish the small things

There was only one week that I didn't hit the gym 3 times and I did exercise at home. I did a lot better at being focused and staying in the moment. Imperfection is something I expect to have to work on forever, it's hard for me to let go.  I have gotten much better at eating breakfast, in fact, I have been watching my food quite carefully.  And I think that the trucker and I have enjoyed better quality time. We are pulling back together, much closer than we've been for quite a while. I've seen him laugh with me more, and I have seen him step into the daddy role more fully than I remember ever before.  When we support each other, it gives us both strength and energy to be better parents. And Angel Baby... Well, she's always learning something new.

I must confess, the things she learned from me this month were not really things I planned. She learned how to climb on the counter, how to fill the sink with water (she even adds the dish soap), where we keep the good snacks and how to get the straw in the Kool-Aid Jammers.

She is also counting to 15, and recognizes all of the numbers 0-9 by sight.