Sunday, March 13, 2011

Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde

Some days, that is exactly how I feel. Except I know that there is no antidote, and I see myself more like the tweety bird version than any other.
I am constantly trying to find ways to stop taking life so seriously.  To stop stressing constantly, and get more done, yet still find time to relax and do nothing.  I am confident most days, that being a mom, and a working mom at that, means that life has to be busy.  Sometimes, I spend more time looking for balance or solutions or quick-fixes, than time spent just enjoying the moment. Sometimes I get it right, but I don't know why it's different.

Today for example, we were out randomly shopping.  We didn't really buy anything, just stopped by some stores we hadn't been to in a while.  We let the boys window shop at Toys R Us and get ideas for what they want to buy next or add to a birthday wish list. We had no defined destination and no time limit.  Many times out shopping, someone has a tantrum, kids fight with each other, someone rushes while someone else is dawdling, and by the time we get to a check-out it's a fight between parents of 'who gets to take the kids to the van and who gets to wait in the stupid line up?" This not-so-fun game often ends with "we don't really need this, forget it, let's just go."

But today, we walked in places where we might normally drive, we giggled, some puddles were splashed in, and though I can't say that no one fought at all, there was minimal intervention needed.  Moments that some days would be infuriating, were not. 
Like the over-spray from the windshield washer that hit me in the face as I was getting in the van.
The trucker had just swapped my wipers for me since the old ones were awful.  I buckled in the baby and he decided to test the new wipers while waiting for me to get in. 
Yep. They work.
However, they do not remove the drops from my glasses or forehead.

I was there, in that moment when the blood starts to boil, thinking 'what kind of a *&^&#%& didn't see that??' Until I looked in the van and saw the entire family, laughing like mad....  How many times in my life would I have just flipped out instead of seeing those 4 smiling faces?  What was different today, that made me stop and look first?

Or, the coffee moment?  
I had coffee (of course I always do) and the kids had slurpees.  I was turned around checking out their cool straws when I tried to take a sip of my coffee.  I guess looking at their straws and thinking of straws messed with my head?  I tried to take a sip from my invisible straw in my coffee.  Which basically meant that I had the cup just below my chin and came unbearably close to pouring it down my front.
One of those moments when you wish no one noticed!!!  But, of course.... it was DEFINITELY noticed. Often, I would be so entirely embarrassed and get mad at anyone still laughing.  But not today.

Today we got to the train tracks before the train, but after the lights... ugh.... but instead, all 5 of us were chatting. The train did seem to last a long time, but it didn't feel like forever......

So what was different today?
What makes some days easier than others?
It wasn't sleep this time, as we were up late with company.
It wasn't that we had a ton of money and little worry.  We aren't 'ahead' this pay.
It was, really, a day like any other. A Sunday like every other Sunday.  But more relaxed.

Maybe because I've been trying a bit harder to listen to the happy things?  Maybe because I had just the right amount of coffee?  I'm not sure. I wish I knew... I would love it more days turned out like today.

OKAY - Mission this week?  Listening has to stay at the top of the list.  But what else?  What other small item can I work on this week?  I think I need something for me and something for 'home' this week. 

I will attempt to do a load of laundry every day.  Wash, Dry and Put away.  (Believe me, in this house it's not hard to have that much laundry.... and sometimes the mountains seem so high I can never conquer them.)  So that's one for home.  I have to do that much laundry anyway, why not spread it out so it doesn't feel like a whole day of work. Right?

Now, for me.  How about Gratitude?
I'm going to make a point of saying OUT LOUD "Thank you" to each member of the family for something. Every day.  Whether it is picking up toys, holding a door or simply eating dinner without complaining.... I will thank each person for something every day.  Because, I really am grateful for the family I have, and we really should celebrate small things more.

If time permits, I will also try to list here what I've thanked them for. Chances are, telling you means that I will actually put effort into it and stay accountable!

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