That Toothache Gave Me A Pain In The A**

My darling trucker, the manliest of men, had an emergency trip to the dentist. 

OK, I can't even type that with a straight face, not that you can see me, 

but anyone who knows us, knows that it doesn't sound right!

When it comes to pain, I find that most men are babies.  So even if they are quite manly to the outside world, every wife knows the truth. The emergency was "It hurts, and I want it out NOW"

I do believe that my last toothache was suffered through for at least a week until we could afford to pay the dental bill....but that's not the point.  He told me of the toothache one day and the next day it was okay to sell my soul to the highest bidder in order to make it stop.  Suddenly it is imperative that I find an emergency dentist RIGHT NOW that can get him in before bedtime TONIGHT.

I book the appointment for him and let him know when it was.  He says "did you get a sitter?"  I say "Really?"

"Ummmm.... Yes.  If you're not going, I'm not going."

So I phone my favorite babysitter, she says "Really? You have to go?"  "Yes, he says if I don't go, he won't go."

Insert uncontrollable laughter here.

Her Other Half comes in the room, she informs him that she's babysitting for me.  He says "Really?  She has to go?"

More uncontrollable laughter here.

We arrive at the dentist and get our paperwork filled out.  I get myself comfortable in the lobby, feeling proud of myself for having remembered my book.  The assistant comes to get him and he looks up at me like I'm nuts for thinking I can just sit and enjoy my book.

The assistant looks at me and grins.

So we make our way to the chair and by this point I can't help but tease him at every chance.  I even suggested that he didn't need me anymore when the assistant gave him the remote.  At home, he snuggles with that more than me!!! Haha  Clearly NOT appreciated.

Everyone teases, winks, giggles.  Poor guy.  Dentists are not fun! Truthfully, he did very well this time.  I did not have to hold his hand, though I was not allowed to leave the room.  The tooth was beyond repair and extracted which is a bad enough experience.  I will be fair and admit that having a tooth yanked out of your skull really stinks.

Whether or not he got a 'sticker' for being brave is my business, not yours.

The best part of this (yes, we are evil parents some days) is that he did keep the tooth.  He brought it home to freak out the kids.  And it worked well.

I haven't had to remind them to brush for weeks now!

History Repeats Itself? Sure, If We Let It.

I am frustrated today.  Well, no, just wait.  I have been frustrated for quite a long time about something.  It seems to me that society or media or maybe just good lawyers are making people less accountable for their actions.  I'm not going to suggest this post has anything to do with mental illness, that in itself is incredibly serious and does not apply to what I am saying.

I've heard on TV, on the news and other media, about how this violent offender was raised in an abusive home, or that drug addict had alcoholic parents.  Now I do agree that better parenting will generally produce better offspring, but it's not true in every situation.  The fact of the matter is that this person is a violent offender and that one is a drug addict.  I don't care who their parents are or what they did or didn't do. This person has issues and needs help. Period.

Think of it this way.

If your child is hitting in playschool, it may be "just a phase". 

If your child is hitting in elementary school, you might say "he's defending himself from a bully" or "It's the violence on TV"  

If your child hits someone in High School, "he's rebelling" or "testing his limits".  

Take any behavior that is negative, there are excuses.  I'm not saying parents are responsible for their child's actions, though that is kind of in our job description, but we ARE responsible for teaching them to be accountable.

Just last week, my oldest hit his brother for something really stupid.  After about 18 interrupted attempts to tell me WHY he hit his brother, he finally realized that I didn't care.  I was not interested in an excuse, there was no reason.  I managed to find an appropriate punishment for him. He hates to write, so he also had to write lines. 50 of them.  

Hitting Someone Is NEVER okay.

That's it. Right there. No excuses, no reasons, just simply "It is wrong." Really, even in a self defense situation, your ideal goal would be to get the he** away from whoever is attacking you. Hitting may be necessary to get away, but you're not gonna sit around and keep going. Your main goal is to get away. 

Self Defense can be a sketchy excuse of it's own.

So what happened to these criminals out there?  What happened to those people who aren't yet criminals?

I was raised with an alcoholic.  I don't drink.  In fact, none of my siblings do either.  We may occasionally have a few, but that's it.  According to a large part of society, I should drink, I can drink and no one would bat an eyelash, because "she was raised with alcoholics." 

I know quite a few people who grew up with Domestic Violence. I also know that not one of them tolerates any form of abuse. Sadly, I also know some that do choose to perpetuate the sins of their parents.

Drinkers, controllers, manipulators, beaters.  All of it.  And they defend themselves LOUDLY.  

"Oh Honey, I'm so sorry, it's just that, well, this is what I grew up with.  It's what I'm used to, it's going to take a long time for me to quit.  I'm trying, really."   

No. I don't buy it.

I don't buy a bit of it. 

If you don't want to repeat the mistakes you knew, you STOP.  You GET HELP.  You accept that you might not be able to change things on your own. 
There is no explanation for why a man reviews his wife's text messages. 
There is no explanation for a woman who calls her husband useless.
There is no explanation for physical violence.
There is no explanation for alcoholism.
There is no explanation for gambling away your life savings.
Whether it is an addiction or behavior or whatever it might be forcing you to live in negativity and blame, there is a solution and there is HELP.

I know this can be done.  
I have seen it more than once.  
I live it EVERY DAY.

For those who are NOT the abusers, the drug dealers, the controllers....

For those of us who have been, or currently ARE victims....

You can't make that person change.  You are NOT responsible for their actions.  If they continually make excuses, if they say they are 'trying' DON'T BUY IT. If they don't make the effort to STOP or GET HELP to STOP, they are not going to change. 

I teach my children this one major rule (in addition to there is never a good reason to hit someone)

Sorry doesn't mean ANYTHING 

if you don't STOP doing what you apologized for

By continually eating up these excuses we are allowing more and more violence to slip through the cracks. More and more drug dealers walk free, more crime everywhere.

Just a few days ago it was reported that crime is higher in some Canadian cities this year already.  They say that the conditions are 'ideal' for domestic violence. There are economic worries and a prolonged winter season that is causing depression and anxiety throughout many cities.

Really?  So, the official stance is "It's not so bad, winter sucks."  For real, on the news, you just announced that you EXPECT trouble. No wonder I don't watch the news much. I sure don't want my kids watching that.  "yeah, honey, you might get mugged on your way home from school, but that's just because there's so much snow on the ground".  These days the criminals don't even have to make excuses, the media and society does it for them.

Stop the excuses. Stop playing victim and be responsible and accountable for your OWN actions.  I learned that when I was small, so did my kids.  No one can make you do anything you don't want to do. And you can't MAKE someone else do what you want them to do. 

Its really a sad, frustrating thing.

Who Made Mornings Come So Early?

I want to wake up smiling

But it's just so hard to do

I've been like this forever

It isn't something new

It's not just that I'm tired

From getting up with kids at night

It's not because of caffeine

Exercise or eating right

It's not because I'm dreaming

Of some picture perfect life

I don't dream of fame or fortune

Or being some star's wife

Ask my parents, friends or husband

They'll all tell you that it's true

I'm just not a morning person

It's not something I can do

I try to stay on top of things

Prepare the night before

If I try to get up earlier

I end up racing for the door

Knowing of my troubles

might make you think I'm always late

But if you expect me at 8:30

I'll probably get there 8:28

It's not cuz I'm still sleeping

Though my snooze IS my best friend

I'm usually just sitting there

Wishing that is was the weekend

You'll often find me searching

for my missing coffee cup

I usually misplace it 

when I'm trying to wake up

It takes a half an hour

before my feet will hit the ground

and then at least an hour

before I really come around

With such a slow and painful start

To Each and Every Day

I think that it's amazing

The kids get to school okay

I can't find a solution

There is no magic pill

I never did like mornings

And I doubt I ever will.

mmmmmm..... Coffee....

Last night was another of those "let's see how ridiculously late I can stay up and still function tomorrow" kind of nights. I got started on one little thing, which led to another little thing, and another, and suddenly it was well past midnight.  But my mind had entered the second wind phase already, so sleep was not coming.  

I decided to read for a bit and finish the Happiness Project book before I put all of those types of books aside for awhile.  But after I had made some tea and snuggled up on the couch, I realized I DID finish the book the night before.  So I reread the last chapter (can't waste the tea now) and made myself a few notes of items I want to remember everyday.  There are some good points that I want to keep close.

I reviewed my list of April fools plans.  Every piece of that puzzle is falling into place so nicely. To be completely honest, the idea that I had last night was exciting enough that I woke up easily this morning just so I could get arrangements made.

I know it's not fun to get the April Fools ideas after April 1st, but I really CAN'T share it early.  These kids of mine are too smart, my blog is not safe!  It's gonna be soooooo good.

I have also got the beginnings of two poems going for the kids.  It was partly inspired by Gretchen's 'sing in the morning' resolution in the happiness project. But I am not likely to sing in the morning. In fact, most mornings, you are safest if you don't talk to me for at least an hour or my first cup of coffee!  Anyway, the sing in the morning idea got my brain working. Once the poems are put together, I might post them here.  One is about the daily grind and the other is about getting up in the morning.

Wow.... Sidetracked or what?

The point of this story was supposed to be about today, not what I did last night.  Today was painful.  It was long and slow and miserable. I had a lot of coffee this morning. I bought the kids lunch because I was too lazy to make it. I stopped at Tim Horton's on my way to get them from school.  After lunch I had some shopping to do, I grabbed a coffee while I was out.  I got home, put away my new stuff and then had to rush off again to pick up the boys from school.  We decided to grab some TimBits for them and a coffee for me.

Sadly, this is a vicious cycle that I often repeat. I'm aware it's not 'healthy' but man, it's life right now.

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, Crash, Coffee, Coffee, Crash...

Yawn....

About that time now.....

What keeps you motivated and moving? Any advice for this caffeine addict? (Aside from 'go to bed earlier', sometimes that is just not possible) 

On the bright side (there really is always a bright side) I was able to nail down a crucial part of my April Fools Plans today.  Tired or not.

Take Care! Good Night!

Accountability Is Overrated

So much for holding myself accountable.  I just don't seem to make time to post everyday.  I'd love to, but every now and then I find I actually need sleep.

Are you wondering about the week? I haven't had that much of a laundry backlog in a long time.  Seems the more I try to make myself stick to a plan, the further I get from my goals. On the bright side, It was all clean, just piled in baskets downstairs. Poor trucker had to pack from the dryer for his weekend away.  I'd love to stay on top of it. Dishes and laundry will be the death of me one day.

But that's not today.

I have been spending a lot of time contemplating life and the quality of mine.  I find it hard to decipher what is making a difference and what is not.  It is also hard to determine which things make me happier.  Doing things for others is great and makes me happy, because it makes them happy.  But doing things that I LOVE makes me happy too.

Simply by writing here, I am making myself happy. I am constantly thinking about things I can write about, and what is going to end up in the book that WILL one day get published. I have even spent some time re-reading some stories I have written before.  I am surrounded by inspirations, my funny and crazy family give me plenty of topics and ideas!

more of these comics at www.contemplatingmylife.com

You all know that I've read a million things about how to be more organized, get more done, be more happy and just feel better in general.  And I think I have reached a decision.  I have 2 chapters left of the last book that I'm going to read on this topic.  I've been working, studying, practicing and trying for a few years now.  I think I had the most fun and even got the most done when I was just flying by the seat of my pants.

No matter which system (or method or whatever you want to call it)  I have attempted, I find that I am still rushed in everything I do. My life hasn't really changed.

If I am expected at 8:30, I will still always arrive at 8:29. 

I am capable of staying up late to put clothes in the dryer (and as an added bonus, we even turn the dryer on for a few minutes in the morning so there are cozy warm clothes to get into!) No one seems to care if the clothes are in the dresser or not, the boys don't even notice if they are washed!!

The best time to wash the kitchen floor IS NOT Monday afternoons, but any night, after kids go to bed. Then no one walks on them while they dry.

My house is never DIRTY, no matter how messy it might appear.

One thing that has changed is the guilt! I felt bad for not doing enough before, so I started looking for ways to do more.  Instead of releasing myself from the occasional guilt, I increased it. Because I can't even keep up to my OWN plans.  I wanted to do more and be more successful at it.

Well, I was good at it before,  I just didn't believe it.  Different people have different ways of doing things.  I am a strong supporter of my kids, I am their biggest advocate with schools, I am responsible for helping them to grow into strong adults who can take care of themselves. With additional difficulties popping up here and there, I am here to teach them how to make sense of the world around them and also to have fun and lighten the mood when needed.

That's what I do.  I look after their needs and my own and that's just right.  I cleaned things when I saw they needed to be cleaned. I stopped and smelled the roses more. I played in the snow or in the sun. I sometimes felt lazy, but I didn't feel bad about it.  I do admit that there are some positive effects of the studying and learning I have done in the last few years.  But I am going to stop looking for new answers. Admit that the best for me is here and just start enjoying my life.  The best is doing what needs to be done. When it needs to be done. And remembering to HAVE FUN in the process.

Bottom Line, My mission for gratitude last week was successful.  

I am THANKFUL 

for my normal, uninteresting, busy, crazy, happy, loving life!

And if I hadn't forced myself to think about gratitude, I just might not have figured this all out quite yet.  The best days of my week are those where I can shift my focus from the fast pace of ordinary life and enjoy the moments that fill my days.  Like it or not, this IS my life. There really is nothing wrong with it.  I need to start enjoying it!

Watch for more fun updates.  I'm going to work hard to focus on the positive and share the light side of life with you while I take time to remind myself that ...

Life IS Good